Chapter.11
THE MONSTER OF SELF-PRIDE (LONELINESS,
SELF-PIETY, LUST I have seen people put up with literal hell
from someone just so they don’t have to be alone. People in the “churches” put
up with all ungodly compromise and perversion of the truth because they just
don’t want to be all alone. No words can adequately emphasize the blinding and
driving powers of loneliness. God says all men “moan like doves” and “growl
like bears”(Is.59:11). He says your
groping is like a blind man trying to find a wall to guide him (v.10). People
don’t think of loneliness and self-pity as rebellion but any inclinations which
breed self-life are born of sin.
The walls of
your nature are lined with the self-centered sadness Adam incurred as a result
of being severed from God. The religious hype or social laughter you might find
for a night is forgotten by the next morning. Every day you wake up with a
nature hoping and yearning to be loved in some special way. This is not some
unique personality flaw. You are simply bearing the consequences as a son or
daughter of Adam and Eve. It might be the hope of getting a letter in the mail,
consciously or subconsciously, you are craving someone to care about you. It is like waiting by the mail box and the postman never coming.
Your moment by
moment disposition is a disaster looking for anything to soothe your inner
anguish of loneliness (Ps.38:4,8,18). It
can drive you into all manner of sexual immorality, rage, or self-pity. No
matter what anyone tells you this nature can NEVER be satisfied (Eccl.1:8)! Not before you know Christ. Not
after you know Christ.
God never promised to satisfy the lonely
inclinations of fallen flesh! When Adam rebelled, his heart was severed from
the life-line of God’s communion and it sent him spinning into unimaginable,
preposterous, lunacy and insanity. And this garbage remains embedded in your
adamic nature today, 10,000 years later!
Loneliness is the most grievous outcome of sin
because the essence of God’s desire in creating man was to share His love in divine companionship. Adam lost this
divine friendship forever and your conscience tells you it can never be
recovered. This grief festers within even though you may never identify it as
such. Your conscience tells you that you can never bring fulfillment within
yourself, but your pride refuses to listen and drives you on in this mad hope
to find love.
There are times
when I become so aware of the loneliness in my nature if feels like a beast
within me is crying out to be fed. The adamic nature howls deep within like a
dog in the moon light. It is not a personality trait. It is a trait of the
nature severed from the Creator. It is not Michael’s ways. It is Adam’s ways.
It can drive you to the heights and depths of misery.
It can drive
you to buy totally useless things. You look to a new house, car, stereo, shirt
or garden hose to make your life happier. Something, anything to give a break
to the terrible monotony and routine of your miserable life. Sin can cause you
to drive around in your car trying to make useless
things seem useful, or to always stay home feeling like a useless thing.
This is the SIN
NATURE OF ALL MEN. The ‘churches” and “experts” say you should be “happy” and
pretend this doesn’t exist.9 They say our inward torment is a result of some
personality flaw or lack of faith. NO IT IS NOT! It is a result of Adam’s sin.
It is a result of not understanding the bizarre predisposition of Adams nature.
A little “sinners
prayer” does not extract or remove it. People fill the churches claiming to be
in pursuit of “fellowship” when all the while they are being blindly driven by
the man who deceives the whole world. As your nature of sin is exposed you must
either declare war or watch this enemy destroy your life. You are fighting
against a REAL BEAST not a theory or exaggerated doctrine: “… And
the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil
and Satan (Abaddon, Apolloyon (Rev.11:9,11,9:11)
