As time goes by I find that I use fewer and fewer words when I pray. I still say the prayers of the Catholic liturgy, the Psalms and other prayers of the Bible, and a few traditional prayers. And sometimes I just talk to God, especially when something is troubling me or when I need something. But for about the past two years I have been drawn into a different kind of prayer, one that does not use any words or thoughts at all.
This wordless prayer is not something I thought up on my own. I have read quite a few books on the subject, and while there are some differences in the methods described in these books, they all agree on the basic idea that being silent in the presence of God is a form of prayer - perhaps the highest form.
Based on all of this I have begun to cultivate a practice of silence. I do not have a name for this practice. I hesitate to even call it prayer. All I do is sit and try to be as quiet as I can and watch and wait - for God.
I try to do this twice a day for periods of half an hour or so. I usually do it in church where it is quiet and I am surrounded by religious symbols that are very familiar to me. I close my eyes and sit perfectly still. I try to ignore the constant stream of thoughts that runs through my mind. I breathe softly and focus my attention on the silence that envelops me. Then I just sit and wait.
I sit and wait for God. As I mentioned, I have been doing this every day for about two years, but so far nothing has happened. I have not had any visions or heard any voices. As far as I can tell, God has not revealed himself to me in any way. But in spite of this, I am not giving up. I have become convinced that waiting for God is what I have to do. And if I have to wait until the end of my days, I will wait. This has become the way I have to live my faith.
Of course I have wondered at times whether this practice is a good idea, whether I should keep doing it, whether I am getting anything out of it. But then I remind myself that it does not matter whether I get anything out of it. What matters is what God gets out of it.
This is actually true of all forms of prayer. Prayer is not about us; it is about God. And we can be sure that even if our prayer does nothing for us, God gets a lot out of it as long as we are sincere.
So I know with the certainty of faith that when I sit in silence longing to see and hear and even touch the God who means everything to me, he is there. I know that even if I cannot see or hear or touch him, he is closer to me that I can ever imagine.
God created every one of us for no other reason than to love us. He must be very sad indeed when he looks down from heaven and sees us all running around on earth never giving a thought to him. Imagine how happy he feels when someone actually stops and thinks of him. What a pleasure it must be for God when someone leaves the bustle of human activity and withdraws to a quiet place and sits with undivided attention waiting for a sign of his love.
It reminds me of an experience I had from time to time when my children were infants. Sometimes late at night I would sit in a rocking chair and hold one of them. He would rest peacefully in my arms and I would rock him. He did not have to do anything but just lie there and let me love him. It seemed at those times that the whole world stood still, and nothing mattered but my love.
The time I spend waiting for God in silence is much like this. I do not have to do anything during this time; in fact the less I do the better. I just rest in God's arms and let him love me. It really does not matter what it does for me; for God it is a moment of sheer delight. It is a moment that makes the world stand still, even for God. It is a moment when nothing matters but love.
